Old pain

Why is it that sometimes old hurts come up like newly struck oil, and seem to coat a whole day, a whole week, with the stickiness?  Have I not processed this pain?  Have I not grieved it enough, or is this just life, the way it has to be.  

I so want a child; so does my husband.  It just isn't happening for us.  We both believe (truly!) that God is in complete control of our lives in the big and small things.  We both believe He can work this out for us.  But it is the in-between-time that is so hard.  It is the waiting, having the patience with God as He does work everything out for our best.  For me, it isn't hard believing He's doing just that.  It is just hard waiting while He does it. 

I know that on a day like today when the sky is blue, and there's a fresh breeze blowing spring into town, my heart is tender.  The difficult things prick just a little harder; the beautiful moments stick with me just a little longer.  It all balances.  It all has its place.  And I know I can rest in that place - my place in this world.  Sometimes I'm just not too comfortable there. Today is a day like that.  

So I'll go on with my business, run my errands, stop and cry a few times along the way.  I'll plan a simple dinner, spend the evening with my hubby, and crawl into bed hoping that tomorrow I'll feel just a little cheerier, a little less fragile, and keep pressing on.