Aaah...

I must say I am relieved that the holidays are over. Even though everything I did was quite lovely, it will be equally as nice to get back to my routine. Perhaps a more accurate statement is that it will be very nice to discover and maintain a routine for at least the first few months of this new year. I'm reading a book on simplifying your life and am going to make a life map - writing down all that I do, the things I don't get done, and things I wish I had time for. I'll then prioritize them according to what I actually do. How do those 2 things stack up against each other, where do I need to make changes, and how can they be accomplished? We'll see if it helps. I have many more minutes in a day in which I could be productive, and I have lots of stuff I'd like to do that will be fun and be good for me! I'll give it a try. 

P.S. I think I've just about got pie crust figured out even in this dry climate of ours. My last few crusts have held together and been wonderfully flaky. Yeah! A small victory.

New blog title?

All right, everyone. I guess I might as well ask since I can't seem to think of something clever on my own. I think I need a new blog url as my adventures aren't really new anymore, and it isn't 08. Any great ideas? I have a few OK ones, but nothing wonderful, so post your comments, and I'll see if something catches my eye. The one that would be most intuitive for me is already taken, so I'll leave it in your capable hands. xo!

Christmas Day

I rose to join the glorious morn 

whose calm and splendor would adorn

the virgin mother's infant born

this blessed dawn of Christmas day.

I pray one day my heart will see 

the light of God's eternity,

and know that Jesus died for me.

Now close my eyes, so I may rise,

as blessed dawn of Christmas day.

Christmas day has come and is almost gone. Another year's worth of love, fun, friendship, food, gifts, gatherings, and joy has passed over the threshold to my heart. I am full of love. I am full of joy and thankfulness for my life - the peace in which I am blessed to live, the family I have, the husband I adore. Christmas day for me is about faith, peace and quiet, family, tenderness and laughter. I close my eyes thankful for another day spent in the midst of those things. 

Christmas Eve

The tree's lights are lit, the star is placed, the gifts are arranged. Candlelight service was attended and enjoyed. Cranberry nut tarts have been eaten, a lovely bottle of wine savored. A quiet evening with my beloved. Time for bed. Time to dream. Time to fall asleep thinking of a tiny babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes, adored by mother, father, shepherds. This baby boy born into the most humble of circumstances, yet his birth heralded by a host of angels. What excitement must have filled heaven, to transcend an immeasurable distance and be demonstrated on earth! And what an incredible gift to us...the reason for all those beautifully wrapped presents under the tree. I go to sleep tired, happy, content, knowing full well how well I am loved by family, husband, friends, and most of all - my heavenly Father. I pray this same peace and knowledge for all in my life. Goodnight.

Sunny day

I just read several friends' blogs and talked to a friend on the phone. I am once again reminded of how blessed I am by the great friends I have and what talented, wonderful women they are. These lovely women pray for me, love me despite my often complaining spirit, accept me for who I am yet encourage me to ever better myself, give me great advice, walk through life's ups and downs with me. I am THANKFUL for them! 

I am having a joyous day at home doing some laundry, wrapping my first Christmas present (which was promptly presented under our as of last night erected and decorated tree - very simple and lovely this year!), thinking about a sweater I'm going to make, listening to Christmas music, and waiting for my honey to get home so we can go shopping. What I thought might be a stressful day has turned out to be lovely, full of sun, music and small tasks accomplished. 

Today is one of those days in which I acutely feel the goodness of God, his small mercies and the gifts with which he fills our days. His love for me is so personal and intentional. How he desires to lavish me with peace and joy if I will but stop long enough and put aside my petty (and significant) worries, put them into His much more capable hands, and look for the good that has come, and is coming, my way. The small wonders that fill my days are the ones that keep me close to Him, keep me trusting Him, and keep me so aware of His care for me. I am grateful. 

Counting down

Well, only 3 more days to Christmas, my cold is slightly better today (I got some good sleep), I survived my busy but fun weekend, and now on to business! Today we're going to hammer out some Christmas shopping although, frankly, I don't have to do my family's stuff until after Christmas as we're having a late celebration. A bit of a reprieve. ;-)

I'm working to keep my focus on God, on what this time of year should be about. Why am I buying these presents? What do they represent? It is an excellent exercise of mind and will to fight against the crazy commercialism that has all but overwhelmed Christmastime in America. But I think today will be fun, to be out in the sunshine, listening to the Christmas music, being in the throng of people, looking for just the right thing that communicates that I really do love this person. 

By the way, I made these delicious rugelach fingers from Martha Stewart's Christmas cookbook. They aren't the most beautiful Christmas cookie ever, but are they ever delicious! Cream cheese, butter and flour crusts filled with chocolate, cherries, walnuts and sugar. Oh, yummy! Fun to have goodies around.  

Life saver

So, now I have a cold and am feeling quite worn out, but I still have these things I've not only committed to do, but want to do...like help cook for a friend's big Christmas open house party and make Christmas cookies for a get together tonight. My time is slipping by, my energy diminishing even more quickly. And what do I discover? My local grocery store will deliver my groceries to me for $10.00! Is it worth $10.00 to not have to wander around the store, load and unload my groceries on a very busy weekend when I'm already coughing every time I walk up the stairs? Why, you bet!!

What a wonderful feeling to have those lovely groceries delivered right to my front door by a friendly man. Not only was my order perfect, but they gave me all the right discounts. Am I a happy camper!

Now all I have to do is cook, and for all of you who know me, that's my very favorite part! Yeah for me! ;-)

Early morning

6:00 a.m. and I'm awake for no good reason. After writing this I'm going to go back to bed and try reading myself to sleep. I do have an awful lot on my mind, but no more than anyone else this time of year, of that I would bet. I could make a boring list of everything on my mental plate, but I think I'll skip that. Instead, I'll write just a small observation about my trip to the mountains this weekend - something that will bring me great joy throughout this Christmas season. 

I was driving over Hoosier Pass (very curvy, hairpin turns, amazing views!) south from Breckenridge and then across South Park (a strange bowl of land that a million years ago was a lake). Christmas music was filling my car and "Oh, Tannenbaum" came on. Such a strange song about a tree, ever-green, and lovely. I was reminded of the many symbols that fill our Christmas celebrations and how many of their meanings have been lost to public knowledge. Here's just one.

The Christmas tree, the evergreen, was first used by pagans in celebration of the winter solstice as a reminder that winter would indeed come to an end. For that, I think we're all thankful. I think it can be a symbol of even  greater significance to me at Christmastime - the everlasting life of Christ, whose birth is my entire reason for celebration. What a joyous reminder to me as I drove through those tree-covered mountains, evergreens filling my view.

 

No matter how hectic I get, no matter what I have going on at Christmas, I would like to keep that reminder in the forefront of my mind. Christmas for me isn't about presents, carols, or beautiful wreaths - it is about celebrating the greatest birthday the world will ever know - the birthday that was perhaps the most humble. Born in a stable, surrounded by animals, no one to tend to the young mother but a single husband, straw for his bed. And yet he is my King, and my Savior. Amazing!

Order...

I'm trying this new thing where I have at least one day a week where I don't leave the house. (Have I said this already...?) This is going to help me keep up with my housework and, hopefully, get going on some projects. Today is my stay at home day. I hope to do some kitchen cleaning, work on a sewing project, and work on some miscellaneous piles. Sounds stimulating, huh? 

There is one problem with this new idea - I have so many lovely friends! I'm going to have to practice saying "no" to them. I'm going to actually stand in front of the mirror and say, "No, I can't do that," "I'm sorry, that time won't work for me." Aaaaaah!! Seems so difficult! I love being with people. 

But I'm telling you, I have a lot of projects in mind: clean out the basement, sew some clothes, cull out my fabric, hang pictures, fill some photo albums, design and sew a quilt, etc. That all takes time! Maybe I need two days?

Monday, Monday

Greetings to cyberspace! A lovely day was had by all here. I spent time with my sister and nephews, played with one, put another to sleep - both equally rewarding! I had a fun evening with old and new friends...enjoyed more snow falling...did some relaxing...finished knitting a hat for my nephew...processed some holiday issues with my hubby. Now it's 9:30 and time for bed...at least for this old lady!

The bed calls...I'll answer with a good book in hand, and my kitty next to me on my pillow. Nighty-night.

Help!

Seasonal affective disorder kicking into high gear, resulting in pre-holiday stress. So much to do, so much to think about. Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Can't get my house neat, can't seem to keep up with it. Haven't exercised in months. Spending too much time doing ... what?!

Ok, deep breath, relax. Nothing is falling apart, husband is happy, friends are holding me up, God is still good! Heart rate slowing, feeling a little better. Tomorrow is a "work at home" day which is a good and lovely thing. 

Whoa! It's 11:30 at night?! Going straight to bed! Goodnight all.....

See saw

Oh, the small pleasures of life! And the fun we can (hopefully) make of ourselves! 

Jane Austen has been in the news, in the movies, and in the book reviews more often than not over the past few years. The resurgence of her works has been fun to observe. Ashamedly, I had never read one of her books - excerpts, yes, in some of my literature classes at university, but never a complete work. A change of the tide was about to occur. A few weeks ago, a friend invited me to a lecture entitled, "Jane Austen for Smarties." (Get it? A play on the ...for Dummies  books.) The lecture was given by the author of the recently published Jane Austen for Dummies, Joan Klingel Ray, and was indeed an entertaining and informative afternoon. Afterward, Sue and I were talking, and I confessed to being one of the "Jane Austen smarty-pants" to whom the author referred - those who have seen the movies but never read the books. Sue was rather surprised at my confession, and I was spurred on to do some exploration myself of an Austen book. 

The quickest to come by at our wonderful library (ppld.org if you want to check it out!) was Pride and Prejudice, and so I began my Jane Austen education in earnest. I anticipated enjoying the book, as so many around me gave testimony to their joy in its reading. I must confess, though, that the beginning was, for me, rather ignominious. I was neither moved nor intrigued by the language of the book, and the plot, being known to me, served as little enticement. I said as much to some friends. I found, however, that as I progressed in my reading, the words themselves began to draw me "further up and further in" (C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle). Austen was working her magic on me...

Result: my mind has been changed - yes, I am an intellectual see saw (teeter totter, if you'd rather)! My conclusion is this: Jane Austen does, indeed, deserve the praise she receives. Despite knowing rather intimately the progression of the plot, despite being aware of the critical reasons for and against the book, despite the sometimes (to our modern ears) over-written prose, I was drawn into Pride and Prejudice like a fish to a lure, and enjoyed every minute of it (except, perhaps, her, albeit period-justified, overuse of commas). The characters, language, and unfolding of the plot gave me great joy and actual out-loud giggles. Her use of just those things was quite delightful and fulfilled just as I had hoped. Too many words, too much dialogue - pah! Quite the opposite if one is willing to go on the ride and enjoy the play being acted out on the page.

Try it for yourself if you haven't - I think you'll be as surprised and delighted as I was!

Perfect Saturday?

So Tim is off skiing with my dad and brother, and I was all alone today. A wonderful, quiet day. The perfect, post-holiday, feel like being alone, have a project to work on Saturday. I had a simple bowl of cereal for breakfast, did laundry this morning, had (delicious) Thanksgiving leftovers for lunch, finished knitting a hat and scarf for my niece this afternoon, and was just settling down for an afternoon movie when I though about what I might do for dinner. Should I go out and get something, and run a few errands while I'm at it? Sure don't feel like leaving the house... 

Upon contemplation of dinner, I remembered pizza coupons I have. Or I could go out - I sometimes like to do that when Tim is out of town. But what did I discover in the freezer that will make this day perfect? Frozen hot wings and individual-size California Pizza Kitchen pizza! Could there be a more perfect end to this perfect day? Dinner at home, with a quiet movie, the fire going, the cats snuggling. 

Wonderful!

So...

...I was going to take pictures as I made my Thanksgiving meal, but only remembered to do it for the pie and then the very start of the green beans. After that it totally slipped my mind. Understandable, I suppose, as I was cranking out a good part of the dinner. I worked like a whirling dervish, Tim working alongside, and got it all done...and on time! I also managed to leave my camera at my dad's house, so no pictures today. 

All that to say that our "family" Thanksgiving was tremendous fun!! We had much more than just my family - Tim's parents, and 6 friends made us a group of 14. The house was loud, chaotic, lovely fun! I hope a good time was had by all. I'm sure some people didn't get talked to as much as others. I'm sure some people wished it were a smaller group. I hope all had fun, though, and could feel the love that was in the house. What a wonderful group of friends and family I have. It was a great Thanksgiving!

Discovery!

Attention! Muir Glen fire roasted tomatoes are amazing! They are way better than other canned tomatoes. They actually taste of tomato. If you are making pasta sauce, soup, etc. - use these. They are worth the extra 50 cents.

Short but sweet. ;-)

Confused...again

I subbed at the library again today, and let me tell you, am I confused! I've hardly been called to sub since I quit in February, but the truth is I wouldn't want to be working more than a couple of times a month anyway. That much would be all right, though, and I've only worked 5 or 6 days in 8 months. Granted, I've had to say no several times because I've been sick or already had plans, but I thought I'd be contacted more than I am.

Anywho, if I'm doing it for financial reasons, it is almost pointless. If, however, I am doing it to continue seeing people, just keep my feet in the door, that's a good reason. I started out today thinking I was going to have my name taken off the sub list, but just writing this has reminded me that I do love being there - I love helping the patrons, seeing my old co-workers, feeling a part of the team. 

Ok, confusion is over. I'll keep my name on the list, try to say yes more, and just enjoy the times I am there seeing old friends and catching-up with old co-workers. :-)

A new week

So, my holiday blues have started, but I am determined this year to do all I can to combat them - walk outside, listen to my favorite music, be productive, make holiday goodies. Hopefully all those things will help me combat this unreasonable sadness I feel every year.

And good news! Today is a new day, and the beginning of a new week. It is only 8:30 a.m. and I have already replied to e-mails, made a (reasonable) list of tasks for the week, and showered. A very good start to the day. 

My "Insight" playlist is filling the house (a musical history and window to Cindy's heart), the sun is shining, and I am ready to face the new day, the new week. My life is filled with love, with family and friends, with a lovely home, and many other good things. I do not write this to minimize or deny the hard time I have this time of year, but to speak the truth of good things, to remind my heart and my mind that all is well. I need not be completely controlled by my emotions, and that in itself is a good thing! 

Quantum of Solace

Oh, I was sitting in my living room this afternoon, the lovely sun streaming in, knitting a hat for my very cute, red-headed niece, watching a TV show on holiday treats. A wave of sadness hit me the first of this holiday season. Yes, I am one of those people who always gets the holiday blues, and this year seems like it will be no exception. For the first time ever, however, I think I am figuring out that it has to do with the weather and the very short days through the end of December. Good news - there are ways to combat this sadness, so I will try them and see if they make much of a difference. Lucky for me - one of the methods is exercise outside, and that fits right in with my battle plan for a healthier me. A two for one benefit! Yeah!

On an aside, I went to see "Quantum of Solace" the new James Bond movie to night. Very good, if you like that sort of thing, which I do. Entertaining, moving, great cinematography, etc. A jolly good time, and a fun evening with family. All remains well in my life!

Introspection

Ever leave a group of people and feel like you just dominated conversation...or were too demonstrative in speaking your opinions...or engaged in something equally awkward and off-putting? I feel like that tonight. I love the people I was hanging out with, and sure don't want to distance any of them. Did I? How will I know without asking? That just feels too scary and awkward.

So, the question of the day is this: How does one work to change a potentially negative character trait? How do I even remember to work on this? Talking too much and being loud and boisterous has been a part of my personality for so long. I don't want to turn it off - just turn it down! How do I go about it? Hang a sign on my door reminding me each time I leave the house to "talk less"  or "be gentler in your opinions"? I'm sure that would be an effective method, but probably not the best in terms of maintaining self-esteem, etc. 

So there it is. And as Kathleen (Meg Ryan) says in "You've Got Mail": I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.

Mystery nephew

I have been informed, and concur, that I have been terribly remiss in putting up at least one picture of my new nephew - Ethan. He was born about 4 weeks ago, and so far is giving his mom and dad quite a bit of trouble - constipation, upset stomach, lots of screaming and crying. This does not, however, seem to have deterred them from loving him! Imagine that!! So, here's my first picture of Ethan. I'll work at getting some more up as he is, indeed, almost as cute as his older brother, Zachary. 

Into battle

Once more unto the breach, dear friends... (Shakespeare, Henry V)

So I have once again decided it is time to get fitter and lose some weight. My friends are rolling their eyes, knowing how often I've said this and knowing I've only accomplished it a few times. Don't get me wrong - I never say it lightly, I never plan to spend a year on my ass, doing not much at all, ignoring most rules of good nutrition. So here I go, once more unto the breach, into battle against my own poor self-control and the temptations of the refrigerator. "Set goals," some people say, or, "Just eliminate bad stuff from your cupboards." All admirable strategies, none of which have worked for me. I'll just do it my own way, hoping and praying (literally) to become a fitter, healthier woman. 

To all those who join me in this endeavor, "Be strong, and of good courage!" It is a fine balance between being happy with ourselves just the way we are, and struggling with either the way the world says we should be or our own desires to change. I do not want to become someone who worries much at all about the way I look. I would like to be able to go for a hike without huffing and puffing, live with less body pain, and shop in a regular store. 

So I guess I do have goals. I'll work toward them with that in mind - my own satisfaction and health. Onward and upward!

Some of my favorite things

clean sheets

great deals on new clothes

delicious leftovers

quiet evenings with Tim

a ladies' potluck

good books

planning a party

my kitties

music that moves me

Sunday evening

I am moved by the depth hidden within my friends. 

I suppose we all walk through life thinking we are extraordinary in one way or another. And truth be told - we are all extraordinary. But I am not the only poet I know. I am not the only..... And where I excel and another struggles, the opposite is also true - I struggle, you excel. I love the connection of differences, the wondrous fitting together of that this creates. Let us live our lives allowing one another to mesh, to mold, to puzzle. 

What am I trying to say? Of that, I'm not exactly clear. I do know that I am moved by my many friends' blogs, by what they share, the pictures they take, the songs they write, the stories they tell. I am touched by the human-ness within all of them. The beauty, the joy, the suffering - all that has led us each to this point. One's childhood was filled with pain and sorrow. Another had the childhood of a gentle novel. This woman is just now discovering her power as an adult. And this one is finding that she can indeed afford to be vulnerable. I am strong; I am weak. You are strong; you are weak. We are all the same. We are all so very different. 

I am moved by the depth hidden within my friends.

Pretty little things

There was this cute little town near Wilmington, Vermont - Bennington. Full of art guilds, hand-crafted, lovely things, fun pubs, etc. Truth be told, I spent a very hectic and harried morning in Bennington, driving in circles, to and fro, trying to find various specific sights - Robert Frost's homestead, a huge obelisk, etc. Didn't seem like it would be much of a challenge in such a small town, but it sure was! Ended up being very rushed, and late picking-up Tim in a town 30 miles away.

But I ended up with two lovely items, and they will make me very happy! I love buying local pottery as my souvenir, so I did just that... I had to have them shipped - no room in my densely packed suitcase. :-) Two more pretty pieces of pottery to add to my collection from Dearborn, Michigan; Acadia, Maine; Fayetteville, Arkansas; San Diego, California; Amman, Jordan...

Abrupt change of subject: I am feeling so blessed right now! I have at least 5 friends who are going through very serious trials - and here I sit, in my life of ease. Oh, I know it is a season, and hard times come and go. Mine have passed for now, and for that I'm grateful. More hard times will come. Meanwhile, my thoughts and prayers are being lifted up for these loved ones who are hurting. May their time of peace come quickly.

My buddy

Can you believe these beautiful, blue eyes? This is what I get to look into each time I spend time with my precious nephew Zachary. I have 5 other nieces and nephews who live far away from me, so I am even more thankful to have 2 living here in the same city. I think I'm in love!!

Not quite right

Sometimes I make a meal and it is just wonderful. Usually, if I'm honest. I'm a pretty good cook according to the people I feed. I can bake yummy stuff, too. Making it pretty isn't my forte. Ok, so this isn't as big a disaster as it looks. This monster is made up of all those bits that didn't want to come out of the cake pan - something for Tim to nibble on over the next week. The cake I actually served was much prettier - but it still wouldn't win any contests!

Complications

I was talking recently with a friend about how complicated life can be - all the decisions we have to make, how we spend or time, negotiating things with spouses, keeping our hearts open and tender while not being constantly wounded by life...

It does all sometimes seem like just about too much! It is (by "it" I mean life, handling it, the day to day stuff) - it is made much easier by lovely relationships. I have a great marriage, great, fun friends, a relationship with God that sustains me (rather than a religion that boxes me in), a beautiful place to live, etc., an awful lot of freedom in my personal life.

It is those relationships, though, that are the outriggers on my canoe. They help keep me even-keeled in the water of life. I am thankful for them. I know I often neglect some of my relationships (you know who you are...bear with me?). I just can't keep up with all of them, all of the time. That is a consequence of moving so much in my life. But they all are the padding around me, helping protect me from getting too banged-up and bruised on this Mr. Toad's Wild Ride of life. Yeah for friends!

Where have I been?

Seems like the last several days have just flown by! I know, I say that a lot. Well, what have I been doing? Sending pictures of my daily life to a "pen pal", volunteering at our local elementary school's book fair, going to the zoo with my 2 nephews and sister, trying to find a new pair of red shoes (red's a neutral, you know!), keeping up with my house a little better, taking care of my sick husband. 

Oh, that's why I haven't written much lately!

And now I'm off to do some laundry, sort through clothes I don't need/want anymore, get ready for Bible study, load the dishwasher, and call a friend. Whew! Maybe I'll write more this weekend. Sure is a good thing I don't have a job - I don't think I have time for one. 

In all seriousness, the whole job thing is weighing on me a little heavier lately. Tim and I are getting short on money, and it looks like we might not be selling our current renovation project in time to refill our bank account. Should I be working? Is what I contribute in the house enough (eating out less because I cook, have the energy to work at saving money, etc.)? I'm not sure. I definitely don't want to go back to work, but I think I need to ask those questions of Tim and make sure we're on the same page. I'll let you know what we decide!

Meanwhile, back to those housefrau tasks.

On a migraine day

The rotation of the Earth,

proved on my living room hearth -

that spot of sun that moves from east to west

on days of work and days of rest.

Perpetual motion played out in my home

while through the black of space we roam.

Not on paths of undetermined end,

although we cannot see 'round the bend,

but on a road that's smooth and true,

led by a God who always follows through.

He touched this Earth and caused it to begin

its revolution and its spin,

knowing each of us would travel on its surface

living, trying to know our purpose.

Perpetual motion? Yes.

But in God we find perpetual rest.

Vemont pics are up!

Finally, I put some pictures of our Vermont trip. I won't write anything for a few days, I don't think. I put up several posts, so scroll down this page to see them all. 

Vermont was, indeed, as picturesque as people say. The leaves got prettier each day, the old farms and stone fences were indeed worth seeing, it was all very calming and beautiful. I'll spare you my many words, though, and just give you the pictures. Quick synopsis of 

what we did: rode bikes, ate, hiked, relaxed in the yard, ate again, fed the cows, picked apples, ate (getting the picture?), read, had a snack, then napped! It was lovely!!  

Enjoy these pictures. Boston will be up in a few days. 

Oh, here's one more of my honey and his dad as we ride bikes. :-0 Isn't he cute? (The younger guy on the right, that is...)

A farm market

Shearer Hill Farm

Bill and Pati were fantastic hosts. If you're ever on your way to southern Vermont, their B&B was a great, relaxing, beautiful place to stay. Give them a call!


Here's the "sugar shack" of this real working farm, where they grow many of their own fruits and vegetables, and make their own maple syrup. Delicious!

I guess these buckets tell a small part of the story of how much work harvesting maple sap, then making it into syrup is.

Old stone fences - so evocative of Robert Frost and the life he wrote about.

A lake we found while wandering

Here comes fall

The road less travelled

Shiny floor

Yeah! I found my living room yesterday! I can see the floor - it is even swept. The couch is clean enough to sit on. The trash is emptied. The books are picked up. OK, so I still need to vacuum the rugs and dust, but there it is - a room clean enough to relax in. That makes me happy. Oh, and I did almost all the laundry...and even put it away. ;-)

It has been a good 1 1/2 days working in my house. I can see progress, can see keeping it this way for a good long while. Somehow trips out of town derail me from keeping my house clean. Not sure why that is, and haven't ever sat down to figure it out. 

My big goal for this fall? Get the house clean, keep it clean, then start going through all those boxes sitting in the basement. I had a good talk with a friend today who gave me some good ideas and wonderful encouragement. Thanks, Julie!

It feels so good to make progress on a project, to see tasks completed and be able to cross them off the running list I keep. Ethan's hat is finished, Zachary's is almost done, I have a sweater sitting to finish, but that's a good thing. And what a perfect time to finish some things, and start others. Fall and winter will be the perfect season to go through those boxes with the cool temperatures outside, the warmth inside, the golden sunshine that my house collects like a box of treasures. Tea, bagel in the morning, hit the chores, get going on those boxes, and by the afternoon, I will have accomplished enough to sit, knit and enjoy a favorite episode of M*A*S*H or something like that. 

Life is good, ain't it? 

For my friends who are struggling with stuff, I'm praying for you...that you can experience some peace and lovely quiet, too. May my peace be contagious and cross the miles to your hearts.

Crazy...

...that's what last week was! I took care of Zachary for 2 days, helped my sister with 2, and then Friday was spent with some wonderful lady friends. ;-) A good week, but totally exhausting. I'm processing the whole baby/no baby thing, and that's good. Meanwhile, my house seemed to explode even though I was hardly here (because I was hardly here?). 

What does this week hold? Very little...except catching-up on my house. That means laundry, dishes, sweeping, dusting, etc. I'll get a lot done, and hopefully some praying while I do it. I want to spend more time on my relationship with my God! He sustains me and loves me; I want to seek him out.

I know, still no pictures of Boston...maybe later this week! Back to my full laundry baskets for now.

Whoa!

How fast does time pass? I mean to tell you, it seems like I've been home just a few days, but tonight it will have been a week. I still haven't unpacked. I have called a lot of my friends and even seen some of them. I also made it to the grocery store. I keep saying I'll download my pictures, and maybe I'll get that today.

But, frankly, I have bigger fish to fry.

My sister and her husband (not the ones in Jordan) are about to have their second baby. They will be going to Denver tomorrow morning, so I'll be taking care of my nephew Zachary for two days. I'm excited about this time with him, but a little nervous too. I must confess that, even though I LOVE spending time with this little guy, being alone with him often brings on the tears. Being alone with him feels too close to what I want - a child of my own! Although I can say with full confidence, and honestly believe, that God is in charge of my life, the timing of events, etc., I still mourn not having a kid. Maybe someday this will work out...

Meanwhile, I've recruited friends to come be with me - just to hang out, play, etc. Tim will come over some, too, and that will be lots of fun.

So, just be patient. I'll get some pics of Vermont and Boston, but not until after I spend my couple of days with little Zachary. (Little? He ways almost 30 lbs.!)

Oh, by the way - I have a name now. He calls me "Nini." I just about die each time I hear it!!! Could I love him more? I certainly doubt it. I think the appropriate phrase is, "apple of my eye!"

Home!

tired

had lots of fun

need to unpack

have about 10 friends to call

fridge is empty

laundry needs to be done

bed still isn't made

pictures to be printed

glad to be home

kitties are even gladder we're home :-)

pics will be up soon

goodnight

On my way out

Well, our vacation to Vermont has finally arrived. We leave tomorrow early morning. I sure hope this week can be restful for me, and especially for Tim who is totally worn out. I'm looking forward to long walks in the leaves with my hubby, quiet afternoons reading outside, evenings playing games, and seeing Boston for the first time. Of course, the autumn display of leaves in Vermont is supposed to be amazing, so you all know I'll love that! I'll try to restrain myself and not load too many pictures when I get home. :-)

I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately, so I hope this can be a week of blank sleep, long sleep, and really rejuvenating time. I'm desirous of lots of quite - which I might have to accomplish by getting out of the B&B and going on walks, etc. I'll just capture my own time as I can. So quiet, time outside, walks, reading, beautiful leaves. Couldn't ask for a better vacation, really. Better go pack...

Morning

I had a terrible dream last night. I was back working at the library, and was visiting retirement homes doing PR. I saw Tim's grandfather there - as if I'd forgotten that he was till alive. A terrible feeling, but a wonderful reunion. Can't really explain how awful that felt, but it sure did. I've awakened feeling down, a little shaken. 

I greatly dislike it when I have dreams that are hard to leave behind, that follow me through my morning. At least this one wasn't about my mom - those are the worst. I'll try to just get busy early and get on with my day. AJ has been gone for 13 years this December, so I don't need to worry about finding him somewhere unexpected! We still miss him; I still miss my mom. All those feelings are real. What to do with them today? I'll put them in my pocket and try to scatter them as I walk along the day's path. 

Wardrobe

I really have very little going on. I have no deep thoughts rumbling around in my head. (Ok, that's not true, but I'm not ready to share them just yet....) I'm just going about my days, getting ready for a trip to Vermont to see the leaves, figuring out how to spend my fall. I did do one exciting thing today - I went shopping. :-) I actually greatly dislike shopping for clothes. You see, I am a little chubby and there just isn't that much out there for us bigger girls that is cute, stylish, actually fits, that I can afford. My clothing budget isn't very big, so I have to choose wisely. 

I did get a few things today, and those basics I bought have inspired me to minimized my wardrobe. Even though I don't have lots to spend on clothes, I have lots of clothes!! I keep them too long  - even after they don't fit, they have a stain, or a snag here and there. Perhaps when I get back from my trip I will take a morning or two and try on all those clothes. I'll keep just the ones I really like, the ones that make up outfits (as opposed to the items that go with nothing in the closet!), the items that make me really happy. I'd rather have a few things I love than this closet full of clothes that frustrates me! I'm not quite ready for "What Not to Wear" to come by, but I think I can take their ideas and make them work for me. 

Yahoo, I'll give it a go! That's my exciting news for this week. :-)

Daily life

Not much going on over here, which I why I haven't written much this week. My days have been lovely and quiet. Well, ok, we had a slight family crisis Wednesday, but other than that not much has been going on. I'm enjoying watching fall come. (I love the crisp, cold air that has filled my bedroom by the time I go to sleep.) I'm very much looking forward to a long, quiet hike this weekend up at Twin Lakes. I'm trying to keep up with the housework, and get some projects done (started?). Other than that, life is very quiet. 

I've been thinking a lot about my friends and how much they mean to me. I know I'm terrible at keeping up with the ones who are far away. Well, if you're reading this, know I think of you much more often than I am in touch with you. So, thanks for loving me despite my faults! 

Good news!

Good news! My old kittie, Charlie (16 years old), had to go to the vet today for his yearly shots. Poor Charlie has started to really show his age. He doesn't always land on his feet, he wobbles around when he walks, he wakes up confused and scared in the middle of the night (senility, says the doc). The vet was happy, though, at how healthy Charlie is...and that made me happy! 

Charlie loves to sit in front of the fire. He's happy winter is on its way! Good thing we have this screen - otherwise, he'd try to sit right next to those toasty flames! ;-)

I'm off to run errands; I'm sure Charlie is off to find a warm, comfy place to nap for the rest of the day! So exhausting going to the vet!

Right before my eyes

Fall is my favorite season, and here are just a few reasons why...

...the beautiful sky - that crazy color of blue

...the amazing trees, each one unique, even the colorful shades of brown

...the cold that is hidden within every breeze

I particularly love the aspen trees as they change, here in Colorado. It is quite a sight to see. The evergreens, of course, remain steadfast in their color, shifting only the slightest bit from spring to summer, fall to winter. 

The aspens - now they are another story. In the spring, they are the lightest green, almost iridescent. Summer brings them into a deeper color. Fall brings out their glory, just before they rest for winter. 

I love the symbiosis they have with the rest of the forest. Seeing their brilliance juxtaposed against their own white trunks dotted with black, the green of the spruce and pine, the rocks, even the underbrush is stunning. Words can't really describe it.

When you're standing in a grove of golden aspen, even the light is different. That cerulean blue sky is quickened to its brightest against the foil of these leaves.  And the golden air that surrounds me makes me feel like a child wandering in some fairy land. Words escape me. I want it never to end...

As I walk through the forest, I see that even the underbrush has put on its finest, arraying itself in all the colors in its wardrobe. Scrub oak turns copper, wild strawberry leaves take on the color of their fruit, pink granite rocks peek out from under fallen leaves and bracken. Wondrous!

Anchor

Come walk the trail with me as we make our way toward sunset.

See those distant hills? 

They mark our time as the sun creeps below the horizon.

Sneeky, isn't it, how the days pass - 

this one quickly, that one as slowly as a cat's early morning stretch.

I bask in the sun of my life - love, friends, sisters.

Even my daily chores fill my hours with meaning as I prepare a meal to sustain, 

clothes in which to work,

a place to lay my head.

Meaning isn't found in what I do, or who I am, 

but in why all those are, and who they serve.

As for me and my house, 

we will serve the Lord.

No trite phrase, glibly uttered,

but a truth and a commitment wholly felt, 

fully believed.

This measures my time, my days, my life, my meaning.

This holds me in my hours, yet lifts me up

toward an eternal hope.

Time to switch

Have I said that I have this lovely house? I especially like it in the fall. Somehow the light is very different, warmer, more golden. It floods in the windows and just makes everything look so pretty! I will, however, be making a rather strange switch this week or next. Even though I have a beautiful dining room with pretty furniture, dishes, etc., it is a room that doesn't actually get used very often. I seldom have more than 4 people at my table, and yet it is the center-piece of the room - of course!

I also have this very sad, cramped office/craft space. I like to sew, knit, make stationary, bind small journals, quilt.... Right now I'm doing it all in the smallest, coldest, worst lit room in the house! I'm home all day - I'd love to have more space for that kind of thing. 

I think I'm going to switch the two! Yes, it will look a little odd to walk into my house and see an office right in front of you, but c'est la vie. I'll give it a go and see how it works. I even have 2 lovely friends who have offered to help, so now's the time! When is change a bad thing - especially stepping out of a convention and trying something out of the box. I'll give it a go...

My garden

Slowly, very slowly, I worked on planting flowers this summer. I did not get my weeds under control, or my blobs of grass planted, but I will weed more this fall and get to the grass in the spring. I just ran out of energy and good days! Whew! Here's what I've got so far on one side of my front yard...

Every garden needs some sculptural interest...

Who doesn't love echinacea?

Last but not least my rock and thyme combo...

Rain

The rain patters down in that perfect early morning way, covering each blade of grass, each glistening rock, each blooming flower. The sound of the rain lulls me, tempts me back into bed, into a book, into my journal - something quiet and introspective. I love the rain, I love what it does for the colors of fall, what it does in my heart, calming me, soothing me, bedding down for a season my should-dos, hectic days, scurry here and there mornings. As long as the rain lasts, I will relax, be calm and rested. Lovely!

September 11

What a day to remember! This is the Kennedy assassination of our generation - we will all remember where we were when it happened. I was in my kitchen, making pancakes with friends, one of whom was to return to France that very day. We watched speechless as those terrible events unfolded.

I'm not exactly a screaming patriot. I'm not someone who will defend the U.S. even when she's wrong. I can even understand, to a certain extent, why those terrorists did what they did. But I thank God for the protection our country has had, the peace we've experienced for so many years, for the safety in which we live our lives. 

As another election approaches, I know who I'll vote for.  I have lots of reasons for this. No matter who is elected, let's each live our lives with integrity, honesty, hard work, and all the things that have made America a safe, powerful, politically free country, the first place refugees of war, oppression, danger come to. Sanctuary for the world. No matter where we're from, who we follow, or what we believe, let's each be a sanctuary of peace and love to all we know. 

Happy Birthday...

...to me! Epiphany last weekend that I am quite self-critical, so this year I am going to only focus on what I did accomplish this year. 

took a trip to Jordan and spent lots of time with lovely family there!

sewed beautiful curtains for my sun room

went on several lovely hikes and bike rides

had tons of fun at a family reunion

quit my job

made a couple of new friends

made a giant leap forward in how I trust God

threw a couple of fun parties

did not buy very many new summer clothes :-)

made some progress in my house management

started landscaping my yard

Pretty good list just off the top of my head! Happy birthday to me and all the other September birthdays out there. Make your own list of what you've done this year. It will make you smile!

No pity

I just have to say that the worst thing about these damn migraines is the way it wears me out emotionally. Not only do I wake up with an idea of what I'd like to get done in a day, and then can't - after these several weeks of frequent painful days, my heart becomes so fragile that the slightest thing sets me crying. Yuck! Despite my lovely friends, my great companions, I feel lonely, falsely abandoned, as if I have no one in the world. 

Sidebar: Granted, three of my best friends are many miles away (Julie, Naomi, Kimberly). And...this week I have the additional sadness of having recently said goodbye to some new but deeply felt relationships (Jessica, Tara, Wiwin, Brandi) - being reminded of their distance. I guess I do have some reason to cry today.

But have no pity on me! Life is too short for that kind of nonsense. The truth of the matter is that my pain is a small thing compared to that of so many other people. It doesn't negate it, but certainly puts it in a good perspective. I know this sad self is temporary, that tomorrow I'll wake up and feel much better - physically and emotionally. I'm not writing for pity - I'm writing to vent. Isn't that the purpose of this forum? To be honest and transparent even when what I write and what I want might seem contradictory? (I.e., why write that I'm having lots of migraines unless I do want pity, when pity is not what I want? If pity is not what I want, why write the migraine part? Hm, I have no answer to that...today.) 

Anywho, there it is. This is where I am today - feeling sad for not very significant reasons. And writing this for no reason at all, except to put it out there. Take no pity on me, but smile if you read this and it touches you somewhere. Then be encouraged - the sun is shining, fall is coming with its cool days and beautiful colors, and somewhere, even if far away, we're loved. That I know.

Gray day

I woke up this morning to gray skies, low clouds, and decidedly cooler temperatures. Feels lovely, actually! Fall is coming! 

All our company has left, it's back to our usual routine, and that's just fine with me. Oh, I have had a wonderful time, though, with Wiwin - an old friend from Indonesia who was just here visiting for three weeks. We hiked, talked, laughed, shared our hearts, and just had an amazing time. I'd forgotten what it's like relating so closely with someone from my home country! There's something just a little different - brings out the Indonesian in me. :-)

So back to life. Time to clean the kitchen (which has been sadly neglected...again), catch-up on some laundry, housework, mail, etc. I'm looking forward to it, though. September and October are 2 months of non-scheduled time...finally. Days and days with not much going on. Oh, an occasional event here and there, but mostly just time for me to be at home and work on some projects, both big and small. Yes! Feels very good. 

On with my day, and this next season, both literally and figuratively in my life. The summer is over, traveling, whirlwind time management is over. On to the calmer, more peaceful pace of autumn. We'll see what that means in a month's time. Meanwhile, the kitchen calls!

Friday

A new day...wonderful feeling! I had a good day today... 

prayed with a friend

had a quick, lovely visit with another from out of town

shopped with a third 

had dinner with my best friend - Tim

Tomorrow I head to the mountains for 2 days of hiking and relaxing with 2 lovely ladies. I hope the weather is nice. Other than that, I know we'll have a good time.

Fall is coming, slowly, and I am ready for it - the shorter days, cooler weather, beautiful golden air. It all will be a relief after this hectic, crazy summer. Ah, lovely!

Extraordinary

Tomorrow is the 12th anniversary of my mother's death. Each year I wonder if I'll still remember the date in 12 months. I guess maybe I'll never forget it. Each year I think about what to do, how to commemorate this. Some years, I do nothing. What does my heart tell me this year? Recite the Jewish prayer of Kaddish? Release some pretty balloons? Plant sunny marigolds? Phone her best friend?

My week has been plagued with migraines, so I haven't had much energy to think, concentrate, mourn. I've been busy with a visiting friend (and having fun). My body and mind are tired. That all makes me miss her more. 

Time is so odd the way it smoothes over many rough edges, dulls much pain. Even this loss is lessened, but not eliminated, over time. I can't even really think straight -  I feel dull as a wooden spoon; I'm not sure what I want to say here. I do know that this afternoon my heart is heavy and all week tears have been springing from my eyes. My body knows it is time to take a moment and remember, grieve. Here's just a touch of Mom for all of you...

Carolyn Kay North

extraordinary woman

gentle

wise guide

funny

impatient

adventurous

conscientious

loved to laugh

my best friend

Mom

Start over

A new week begins. Half of me dreads it; half of me looks forward to it. I am worn out by a weekend of migraines, but look forward to a week with not very many commitments. I have discovered over the weekend that I am very self-critical. In a note to my sister, I twice noted tasks I wished I had accomplished, but haven't, and in a not very forgiving tone. I have such high ambitions for things I'd like to accomplish, so many ideas, so many thoughts running through my head, but I just don't (can't?) seem to execute even a small number of them. OK, I get a few things done, but it seems like the majority of my life is in the "failure" column, at least in my own head.

Why am I so critical of myself? Why is it so hard to accept that I just can't get everything done I want? My body, my mind, my time are limited. I can't just go, go, go. All right - I can do more than I do, but not everything. Maybe instead of having a list of things I want to accomplish this week, month, I'll just list what I want to accomplish and work on it without any time constraint, without any idea of when it will get done? That way the ideas get written down, I remember them, I have a place to go to reference what I'd like to do next, but there's no pressure to do these 8 things this month.

I'll try that. We'll see if it helps me get rid of the rather large backpack of criticism I'm carrying around! 

Pesta!

All the former missionaries to Indonesia and their kids who currently live in Colorado Springs gathered tonight to enjoy the company of Wiwin Simson, a wonderful young lady visiting from my hometown of Bandung, Indonesia. I have lots to say, but am VERY tired after cooking all day. I made 5 dishes, 3 of which were hits. :-) Better luck next time. I'll work on perfecting one of the vegie dishes. Anyway, I'm tired and am going to bed, but I am very happy the party was such a success. I reconnected with some people, ate wonderful food, and had a great time! Goodnight for now...

Yesss!!!

I go to sleep tonight completely satisfied with myself! I have been cooking Indonesian food for quite some time now, and with good success. Tonight, for the first time, I have made one of my favorite Indonesian dishes - a compressed rice dish called "lontong." It previously seemed too complicated, so this is a great achievement for me! Frankly, I'm impressed with myself...and very happy! :-) I will be PROUD to serve it at our Indonesian dinner tonight! More about that tomorrow.

Yeah, Cindy!

Cloudy skies

I know I'm supposed to be writing more often and just keeping up with my life...it doesn't seem to be happening very well. The days slip by with nothing that seems worthy of writing. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm sitting around not doing anything. I have made great progress on my yard, just haven't gotten pictures taken. I've done quite a bit of housework, too, but that hardly seems blog-worthy. Spent some time with my sister and her adorable son yesterday. That was fun, but not too exciting for all of you. Not sure what to be writing about here. 

I'll say that I'm very happy to see summer coming to an end and fall approaching. In a month our aspen trees will be turning, and I'll get my sweaters out. I haven't gotten done some of the things I wanted to this summer like exercising and spending time with God, but I've done other things. I'm trying to take my best friend's advice and give myself time to ease back into not working. It's a little confusing how to spend my time, my days. They are very full, but I'm not as focused as I'd like to be. I'll keep working on it. :-)

That's all for now! No amazing insights or updates. Just my little life.

Favorite things

long slow rains

snuggling with kitties

Indian food

books that captivate me

the smells of lavender and lemon

all the possibilities in my yarn stash

successful shopping with my sister

watching Tim cook

a good movie

Project Runway and Top Chef

beautiful fabric 

patient friends

my family

The letting go

Oh, the letting go of life, the things we hold on to that are dear to us, the things we wish for, pray for, hope for most strongly. It seems such a big part of life to learn how to not cling to these things, how to discern which are benefiting us and which are doing us harm, which are part of the plan and which we are forcing to fit. It is a painful process, one with which we never seem to become totally comfortable, probably because it does cause pain each time we must excise something from our hearts, our lives. But on a day like today, with the bright blue sky, the little birds flitting here and there, the whisper thin clouds floating along, I feel hope mixed with my sadness. All will be well, everything will be all right. I have hope, I have joy despite sorrow, I have peace.

Sweater trouble

I just can't seem to get this sweater to work out! First I tried it with an additional bright pink yarn. That just overwhelmed the whole look, so I took it apart and did it with just these 3 yarns - the gray, white, and a multi-colored, self-striping yarn. Doesn't look quite right to me. Are the stripes too wide? Does the gray look out of place against the bright colors? What to do? I' m about to take it apart and just set it aside for another day's inspiration.

Other than this sweater issue, life is cruising along quite nicely. I'm having a very busy summer, though. August is here now, and I' m going to try to not over schedule as I did in July. So far it's not working very well. I have something every day this week except Friday. I know that's not exactly a tragedy as almost everything I have scheduled is fun or for my benefit. I'd just like more days with nothing. There's a lot I'd like to do at home. That, of course, is up to me. I'll work on achieving more "empty" days next week. :-)

The yard is coming along...slowly. More pictures of that on the way soon. Cooler weather is soon on it's way, too, which makes me very happy! Yeah autumn!

Summer is passing

Tomorrow is the last day of July, and I have blessedly little scheduled in August. It seems this has not been a summer of leisure but of appointments, to-dos, travel, and uncompleted tasks. I'm very happy to say I've gotten one sweater almost finished (the knitting is done!), the yard is taking shape, and I've spent some good time with friends. All in all, it's been a good summer, even though it has seemed hectic. 

August is going to be a month for me - to get some good, healthy patterns and routines established (eating better, exercising, maintaining my house, getting some more projects done). I'm very much looking forward to it. Nothing major - just taking care of me and mine.

Ah, summer - those hot days when all I want to do is stay cool. Got to keep moving, though. So much to do - so little time. So many lovely hikes, gardens to enjoy, sunsets to watch, picnics to take. All that lovely stuff! Ah, summer!

New start

Well, July is 1/2 over as of tomorrow, and I'm just now getting started on my big summer project. The house my husband and I recently moved into has nothing growing in the yard except dirt and weeds. Observe the beautiful yard we bought! ;-) Not even very many weeds. I have volunteered to landscape the whole thing. I love to garden - to research what plants will grow here in our short, but somewhat hot summers, what will tolerate the very intense sun, what will do well with very little watering. I made my plan, made a list of plants I wanted, found the best deals and today bought my plants! Very exciting!

All I have left to do is buy soil amendment, work that into the ground, build up my slightly raised beds, move the rocks into place, and then my lovely plants can go into the ground. I sure hope this turns out looking nice. You can be the judge as I make progress. 

Hautacam morning

Tim and I got up at 5:00 a.m. to watch today's stage of the Tour de France live. As usual, it was a wonderful morning! We love doing this - getting up before the sun, first thing making a pot of coffee, and watching the riders work their way up and down some gruesome mountains. There's something very magical and intimate about doing this. We've done it for years and it brings us much joy. Can't really express it!

The Tour is progressing in its usual way with great battles, unexpected stage wins, amazing cooperation between riders, teamwork of an unusual kind, sacrifice, suffering, nobility - all the stuff that makes us cycling fans. On with the show!

Questions

The little, downtown church my husband and I attend had a women's retreat in the mountains this weekend. It turned out that only 5 of us went, but that allowed us to have really nice, intimate conversation. I enjoyed my time with the ladies, but seem to have returned home with more questions than answers. 

What might God be calling me to give up in my life, turn over to him? 

Since God encourages us in the Bible to tell him the desires of our hearts, when does one stop praying for that desire and just say, "God, do whatever you want. I will be at peace with that."

How do I work with God to change unhealthy habits and thought processes that seem to be deeply imbedded within me? How do I work on transforming my mind?

How do we really build intimate, authentic, very personal community with each other within the scope of both new and already established relationships, our busy lives, different personalities and priorities? When does this effort go from trying to foster community to forcing the issue?

How much of my spouse's undesirable personality traits (or just plain bad habits) do I try to influence for the better? Am I completely without responsibility for him if we are supposed to be a team, and I believe that God has called me to be his help-mate?

All this stuff is floating around today. I'd better spend some time thinking, praying, studying on some of these questions. I think, too, I'd like to have some conversations with other women about these things and see what they have to say. Send me your thoughts. I'd love to read them!

Look what I did!

Well, I'm actually getting to work on the house...just like I said I needed and wanted to. I have to admit - I am quite proud of myself for this first task I've accomplished! 

At the back of my house, I have a lovely sunroom. Really, it is a greenhouse attached to the house. It has windows that only open partway, a ceiling full of skylights, and has no insulation. Only problem with this is that in the summer it is like an oven...and all that heat soaks into the rest of my house. You see, the doors between the sunroom and the kitchen are interior quality French doors - quite pretty, but very little insulative value. What did I do? I bought a very inexpensive quilt ($6.00) at a discount store, cut it into curtains and hung myself 2 insulated curtains. I think they are quite pretty, and they're making about a 15' difference in my kitchen on hot summer afternoons! Yeah, me! On to my next project. ;-)