Friday

A new day...wonderful feeling! I had a good day today... 

prayed with a friend

had a quick, lovely visit with another from out of town

shopped with a third 

had dinner with my best friend - Tim

Tomorrow I head to the mountains for 2 days of hiking and relaxing with 2 lovely ladies. I hope the weather is nice. Other than that, I know we'll have a good time.

Fall is coming, slowly, and I am ready for it - the shorter days, cooler weather, beautiful golden air. It all will be a relief after this hectic, crazy summer. Ah, lovely!

Extraordinary

Tomorrow is the 12th anniversary of my mother's death. Each year I wonder if I'll still remember the date in 12 months. I guess maybe I'll never forget it. Each year I think about what to do, how to commemorate this. Some years, I do nothing. What does my heart tell me this year? Recite the Jewish prayer of Kaddish? Release some pretty balloons? Plant sunny marigolds? Phone her best friend?

My week has been plagued with migraines, so I haven't had much energy to think, concentrate, mourn. I've been busy with a visiting friend (and having fun). My body and mind are tired. That all makes me miss her more. 

Time is so odd the way it smoothes over many rough edges, dulls much pain. Even this loss is lessened, but not eliminated, over time. I can't even really think straight -  I feel dull as a wooden spoon; I'm not sure what I want to say here. I do know that this afternoon my heart is heavy and all week tears have been springing from my eyes. My body knows it is time to take a moment and remember, grieve. Here's just a touch of Mom for all of you...

Carolyn Kay North

extraordinary woman

gentle

wise guide

funny

impatient

adventurous

conscientious

loved to laugh

my best friend

Mom

Start over

A new week begins. Half of me dreads it; half of me looks forward to it. I am worn out by a weekend of migraines, but look forward to a week with not very many commitments. I have discovered over the weekend that I am very self-critical. In a note to my sister, I twice noted tasks I wished I had accomplished, but haven't, and in a not very forgiving tone. I have such high ambitions for things I'd like to accomplish, so many ideas, so many thoughts running through my head, but I just don't (can't?) seem to execute even a small number of them. OK, I get a few things done, but it seems like the majority of my life is in the "failure" column, at least in my own head.

Why am I so critical of myself? Why is it so hard to accept that I just can't get everything done I want? My body, my mind, my time are limited. I can't just go, go, go. All right - I can do more than I do, but not everything. Maybe instead of having a list of things I want to accomplish this week, month, I'll just list what I want to accomplish and work on it without any time constraint, without any idea of when it will get done? That way the ideas get written down, I remember them, I have a place to go to reference what I'd like to do next, but there's no pressure to do these 8 things this month.

I'll try that. We'll see if it helps me get rid of the rather large backpack of criticism I'm carrying around! 

Pesta!

All the former missionaries to Indonesia and their kids who currently live in Colorado Springs gathered tonight to enjoy the company of Wiwin Simson, a wonderful young lady visiting from my hometown of Bandung, Indonesia. I have lots to say, but am VERY tired after cooking all day. I made 5 dishes, 3 of which were hits. :-) Better luck next time. I'll work on perfecting one of the vegie dishes. Anyway, I'm tired and am going to bed, but I am very happy the party was such a success. I reconnected with some people, ate wonderful food, and had a great time! Goodnight for now...

Yesss!!!

I go to sleep tonight completely satisfied with myself! I have been cooking Indonesian food for quite some time now, and with good success. Tonight, for the first time, I have made one of my favorite Indonesian dishes - a compressed rice dish called "lontong." It previously seemed too complicated, so this is a great achievement for me! Frankly, I'm impressed with myself...and very happy! :-) I will be PROUD to serve it at our Indonesian dinner tonight! More about that tomorrow.

Yeah, Cindy!

Cloudy skies

I know I'm supposed to be writing more often and just keeping up with my life...it doesn't seem to be happening very well. The days slip by with nothing that seems worthy of writing. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm sitting around not doing anything. I have made great progress on my yard, just haven't gotten pictures taken. I've done quite a bit of housework, too, but that hardly seems blog-worthy. Spent some time with my sister and her adorable son yesterday. That was fun, but not too exciting for all of you. Not sure what to be writing about here. 

I'll say that I'm very happy to see summer coming to an end and fall approaching. In a month our aspen trees will be turning, and I'll get my sweaters out. I haven't gotten done some of the things I wanted to this summer like exercising and spending time with God, but I've done other things. I'm trying to take my best friend's advice and give myself time to ease back into not working. It's a little confusing how to spend my time, my days. They are very full, but I'm not as focused as I'd like to be. I'll keep working on it. :-)

That's all for now! No amazing insights or updates. Just my little life.

Favorite things

long slow rains

snuggling with kitties

Indian food

books that captivate me

the smells of lavender and lemon

all the possibilities in my yarn stash

successful shopping with my sister

watching Tim cook

a good movie

Project Runway and Top Chef

beautiful fabric 

patient friends

my family

The letting go

Oh, the letting go of life, the things we hold on to that are dear to us, the things we wish for, pray for, hope for most strongly. It seems such a big part of life to learn how to not cling to these things, how to discern which are benefiting us and which are doing us harm, which are part of the plan and which we are forcing to fit. It is a painful process, one with which we never seem to become totally comfortable, probably because it does cause pain each time we must excise something from our hearts, our lives. But on a day like today, with the bright blue sky, the little birds flitting here and there, the whisper thin clouds floating along, I feel hope mixed with my sadness. All will be well, everything will be all right. I have hope, I have joy despite sorrow, I have peace.

Sweater trouble

I just can't seem to get this sweater to work out! First I tried it with an additional bright pink yarn. That just overwhelmed the whole look, so I took it apart and did it with just these 3 yarns - the gray, white, and a multi-colored, self-striping yarn. Doesn't look quite right to me. Are the stripes too wide? Does the gray look out of place against the bright colors? What to do? I' m about to take it apart and just set it aside for another day's inspiration.

Other than this sweater issue, life is cruising along quite nicely. I'm having a very busy summer, though. August is here now, and I' m going to try to not over schedule as I did in July. So far it's not working very well. I have something every day this week except Friday. I know that's not exactly a tragedy as almost everything I have scheduled is fun or for my benefit. I'd just like more days with nothing. There's a lot I'd like to do at home. That, of course, is up to me. I'll work on achieving more "empty" days next week. :-)

The yard is coming along...slowly. More pictures of that on the way soon. Cooler weather is soon on it's way, too, which makes me very happy! Yeah autumn!