Today

What an amazing day this turned out to be!  My migraine medication started to work around 11:00 a.m., so I went on over to my sister's house to take care of my nephew for an hour or so.  (He is so cute, I can hardly stand it!)  After that I went to the dog park with a friend of mine.  It was beautiful!  Probably about 55' F, not a cloud in the blue sky, a wonderful Colorado day.  Photographers in other states have to photoshop their pictures to get skies the color we have here.  It is truly something to see.  I'm thankful to have had a great day, for the pain to have quickly dissipated, to have gotten to spend time with a sister, nephew, friend, and lovely dog all in one day.  ;-)  A good one, to be sure.  

The body

Oh, this confounding body in which we live!  Today was to be a day of great work - I was going to get my kitchen spic and span.  Well, that won't happen today - another migraine.  Instead, I'll sit in my comfy chair and wait for my meds to kick in.  Hopefully I can still take my hike this afternoon, but if not, tomorrow's another day.  

I'm very thankful for the assurance, the knowledge with which I live my life - that is, that I am not in charge.  It is a great comfort to know that not only do I serve a benevolent God, he is a personal God who cares about me as an individual.  My physical pain does not separate me from him, it can (if I let it, if I'm open to learning) illuminate myself and my God.  I'm thankful that his hand is big enough to hold me, hold me close to him. 

On days like today, when the sun is shining, and all the natural world seems to be singing his praises, but I must lie quietly in a dark room, he seems closer to me than ever.  I rest in his hand, and that truth never changes.

Welcome home

I'm back from my mini-vacation (2 days in the mountains).  I went all by my lonesome and had a wonderful time.  I took a very long walk down a country road, saw lots of beautiful deer, soaked in the hot springs-fed pool, read, read, read.  Oh, it was lovely and relaxing!  Now I have to once again face reality where my I struggle to keep a tidy house, my dishes cleaned, and my to-do list is longer than a page, including big and little projects.  I leave for Jordan in a month, so one of my decisions is whether or not to start on a big project before I go.  If I don't do that, I can get maybe 1 or 2 little ones done.  That would feel so good. 

Along with the total relaxation, this mini-vacation reminded me of how much I like to be outside doing something physical.  I live in such a nice, quiet neighborhood - I should be taking a stroll every couple of days.  And the city in which I live has more then 300 miles of paths - why aren't I taking more advantage of that?  I'm going to try to get on that right away.  I felt wonderful, invigorated, and a lovely tiredness after my 1 1/2 hour walk in the mountains.

So tomorrow, back to real life.  I feel good, though.  I can once again concentrate on those things I love - hausfrauing, volunteering, studying, friending, reading and, yes, playing!

A good trip

I'm bored with my winter sweaters!  How many years have I had most of them?  And my new ones were bought because they fit and looked pretty good on me - not because I love them.  (I know - it's a sad and tragic tale.)  But winter is almost over - there's only 2 more months of sweater wearing even here in Colorado.  

Solution!  I took a little trip to Goodwill and for the price of one sweater at a regular store, even on clearance prices, I bought three!  Lovely and fun!  Just a little treat for myself this time of year.  Now if only I could find pants there, but I haven't had any luck with that yet.  

I'm leaving for Buena Vista tomorrow.  A little holiday all by myself in the mountains.  Stay in a nice B&B, read books, watch movies at night, knit and relax looking out at the amazing beauty.  I'm going to take my hiking boots just in case it's not too cold and there's not 2 feet of snow. Probably won't use them, but I'll be sad if I don't even try.  I'm going to take a small cooler with lunch stuff - cheese, bread, wine, fruit - so I'll only eat out a couple of meals at the most.  This will be great rest and relaxation for me.  I wish hubby was coming, but he just can't take 3 days off work.  

Once again, I realize how lucky, how fortunate I am to not have to work - to have a husband who appreciates me enough as "just" a hausfrau that what I do at home (and out of it) is worthwhile to him.  An amazing gift.  I'm very thankful.  

The future...

Doors close, doors close,

windows open

letting in a refreshing breeze.

We doubt not the path we're on

but how well lit it might be.

Come, follow me into the woods

and I'll open for you a world of opportunity - 

beauty and joy unfiltered

under a brilliant sun!

The first week

Well, this first week of not working has been quite lovely.  I said I wasn't going to do anything - just take time off for myself, but that has ended up including getting caught up on laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and beginning to think through some projects for the coming spring and summer.  I went shopping with my sister, went out to lunch with another friend, and have cooked dinner every night.  

I tell you, it is so wonderful knowing I can give all the time I want to these things and still have time for me.  I woke up this morning with another migraine, and it was extra-lovely to not have to decide whether or not I was going to call in sick to work.  I can take my meds, relax, wait for my headache to go away, and still get some things accomplished today!  

I'm very thankful for this opportunity.  I'm going to make the most of it and not waste my time.  I'm going to be productive, get lots done, do stuff for myself and others, and spend much more of my spring and summer outside!  

I do miss my co-workers already, but I'm not missing human interaction as much as I thought I would.  I remember the last time I didn't work this was true.  I got to where I really enjoyed the quiet of my house, my life.  I'll stop by and see them next week, though.  ;-)

Next week I'm going to the mountains for 2 wonderful days by myself.  Read, sit in the hot tub, watch movies, journal, write, relax.  A dream vacation.  If Tim can come with me - even better.  If not, I'll just bask in the aloneness.  

Last Thursday

Here I am again...at work. Second to last day (night actually). No more boring Thursdays, no more going home way after dark, no more eating Burger King at 9:30 at night because I forgot to bring a snack.

How lovely to think that next week I can just stay at home. I'm a little nervous about it, still. (I realize that I keep saying the same thing over and over again.) Well, I guess that's one kind of journey - going around and around. My journey right now happens to be like a merry-go-round instead of a road. I'll eventually get off the ride and start back down the road. ;-)

What am I looking forward to? Being able to spend the whole day on a project. Sleeping in when it's snowing. Making a fancy meal and being able to clean up the kitchen the next day. Going shopping when I have the energy, not when I'm out of food. Seeing a mid-afternoon movie. Having dinner with friends whenever I want. Lofty goals, eh? Not really, but that's my life. I'll enjoy it whatever it is, so I should just stop worrying!

Good night for the last time...from the library...until the first time I sub at night.

Sunny Monday

Boy, do I feel chipper and silly today! Why? Well, I'm not really sure, but I think it's because not only is this my last week at work, but I'm feeling very good about that. (And maybe I had one too many cups of coffee.) Sure, I'm going to miss everyone here quite a bit, but I'm very much looking forward to being at home and doing all those things I've been thinking about for so long.

Change of heart from last week? Quite! And it feels good to feel good about not being employeed any longer. ;-)

I'm going to take a whole week off and just do some housework, go to movies, rent movies, go to the park, relax. Lovely!

Girlfriends

My church is doing a neat thing: the second Saturday of every month is a "girlfriends" get together.  This month we all met at a lady's house to discuss the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers.  

It feels good, after 2 1/2 years, to finally be developing relationships with women in our church.  What was holding me back?  I'm not really sure, but something sure was.  I still feel a little tentative, but this is a great beginning.  I'm discovering new avenues of openness and transparency, finding things in common with different women, and seeing hope of deeper relationship that I hadn't seen before. 

Also very nice, however, to come home to my warm kitties and sleeping husband (who has a cold).  The quiet house, the cats eager for love, and a good book are a wonderful way to end a week, close out a quiet Saturday.  

And, after a week of feeling sad about leaving my job, I'm feeling much more peaceful tonight.  I've been focusing on the wrong things - what I'll miss about working.  My excitement is building for the things I'm going to be able to do because I'm not working, and that's what I'm going to concentrate on this week!  Feels great to have the right thing in focus...finally!  I was also reminded tonight that, as a follower of Christ, I have the priviledge of living under grace.  What does that mean in practical terms?  Even if this isn't God's perfect timing for me to leave this job (for example, if I pushed what I want over what God wants), He'll still perfectly use this circumstance to accomplish what He wants not only in my life but in the lives of all those He loves (and that's everyone!).  So encouraging to remember that.  

So my new week begins tomorrow...my last week at work!  It's been a long journey from hating every day at work to not even being sure I wanted to quit.  Time to start planning what I'm going to do, and how I'm actually going to get things accomplished!  Better buy some more pages for my planner!  ;-)

Mixed feelings

Well, just one more week at my job! Such a strange mix of feelings.... I've had to give up a job I loved because I've moved; I've given up jobs I didn't like; I've never given up a job I loved. Why am I doing it?

Simple...there are many other things I'd like to be doing in my life that I just can't accomplish while working (or they'd be very difficult!). This has been a very strange journey from 2 years ago having to force myself to get up and go into work, to actually liking what I do. I enjoy my co-workers so much, helping the patrons, feeling like I make a difference. I like walking through the building feeling a part of a team, feeling so confident in myself.

When I'm at home, that's where I want to be. When I'm at work, I feel this jumble of confusion. I'll just have to find ways to get those good feelings about work, but without the paycheck. And I have to keep my focus on the things I will be able to accomplish because of my freed time.

Weird, isn't, the journey that we take in this life? So strange the mix of head and heart that we human beings are. I hope I don't regret this decision. I hope that my days at home, working on my personal goals will just fill me with joy. I hope I can maintain the relationships I've begun building here. I hope, I hope...

Sunday night

So, the Superbowl is on and my wonderful husband made a delicious meal from one of Bobby Flay's cookbooks.  Seared beef with a mustard sauce, sauteed mushrooms on toast, avocado and tomato salad - quite lovely!  After dinner I made a cake with coconut pecan frosting.  A wonderful meal and a fun celebration of being alive.  Oh, the Superbowl was fun, too.  I told hubby it is so much easier watching the game when you don't really care who wins!  Go Denver in 2008!!

A busy but fun weekend - a good day at work on Saturday, fun brunch at my house, and today I taught the 4th and 5th graders Sunday School.  Hope they enjoyed it!

Tonight - to bed early and then back to work tomorrow.  Only 2 Mondays left.  Yeah!

Wishing

I had a brunch for some friends at my house this morning and we had a great time! Nancy came with her little girl - 5 months old - and I enjoyed her so much. It did remind me again, of course and as always, of how much I want a child. I'm asking God for that specifically this year. I've put out a "fleece" and we'll see what he does with it. The real question is not whether or not He'll say "yes", but how I will respond if His answer is "no".

I know He is sovereign, in charge of my life, benevolent, full of love for me, only desiring good things for me. That is not just rhetoric. That is TRUTH that helps me keep holding onto His hand even when I'm in the midst of hard times, even when I'm just not sure what He's doing. For the assurance of that love, that benevolence, I'm very thankful.

Doesn't change the fact that I cry out, wanting a child. Doesn't change the hurt in my heart. But the most important thing? That pain doesn't change who He is! Again, I'm most thankful!

God is good

I woke up this morning wanting to spend some time with God and so put on a new worship song I recently found - "God With Us" by Mercy Me. It really put me in the frame of mind I desired, and with those words going through my head all day I should be able to stay focused on having the right attitude.

My time at the library is winding down and I'm getting really excited about what's coming up - my writing, getting published, my upcoming trips - one of which will be a road trip!

I can hardly wait for the 2 days of quiet in the car, listening to music, stopping when I want, time all by myself in the middle of nowhere. Lovely!