Wishing

I had a brunch for some friends at my house this morning and we had a great time! Nancy came with her little girl - 5 months old - and I enjoyed her so much. It did remind me again, of course and as always, of how much I want a child. I'm asking God for that specifically this year. I've put out a "fleece" and we'll see what he does with it. The real question is not whether or not He'll say "yes", but how I will respond if His answer is "no".

I know He is sovereign, in charge of my life, benevolent, full of love for me, only desiring good things for me. That is not just rhetoric. That is TRUTH that helps me keep holding onto His hand even when I'm in the midst of hard times, even when I'm just not sure what He's doing. For the assurance of that love, that benevolence, I'm very thankful.

Doesn't change the fact that I cry out, wanting a child. Doesn't change the hurt in my heart. But the most important thing? That pain doesn't change who He is! Again, I'm most thankful!